Oh me oh my

It is hot! I do apologize for the lapse in writing, but I have been sick and have not felt like blogging (while my guitar gently weaps). So, I do promise to get back on track and return to my story but until then allow me a wee bit of freedom of ranting 😉    I had a conversation with dear friend today about the challenge of having people in your life who have such different views than your own. The Proposition 8 was a difficult conversation to have with people you love but would probably not be “friends” with absent a history together because you differ so greatly on right and wrong. Which begs the question: when is it okay to break up with a friend? Should you break up with a friend? Does a friend hold such a special place the bond should never be toyed with? But, we do end friendships throughout our lives…do we not?

In all seriousness, we break up with lovers throughout our lives until, if we are so fortunate, we find the one person we want to spend our life with. Why is a friendship any different? We grow. We change. We grow apart. Our views on right and wrong change with our individual experiences. Is it important to keep in touch because you share a period of time in your life together? Or, it is more healthy to let go of the relationship on better happier terms so that when you see each other in the street it is not uncomfortable or hostile. I don’t honestly know the correct answer but I have had friend breakups and they are more painful than any romantic relationship I have been in. The relationship tends to be more intimate (at least when you are younger) and thus more painful to part. But, the friends breakups I have had have been some of the biggest time of growth in my life. I believe in evaluating all of your relationships at least every 5 years to see whether they are still healthy for you and the other person.

At some point I will get to a point in my story where I moved to Mexico after living in Northern California for 20 plus years. It was one of the best and most courageous decisions I have made in my life. I left all that was familiar and many friendships….actually I left all of my friendships. None of my friends came to visit me while I was gone and none of them made an effort to keep in touch. They may have a different perspective but this is mine and how I recall it. It was not a bad thing and I hold no resentment over it. It ended up pushing me to find who I was and who I was not. But, it took a lot of friend breakups to get there. I would not change anything about these breakups because I am healthier for them and thus happier. So, when is it okay to break up with a friend?


3 responses to “Oh me oh my

  1. Interesting question. I think we all break up with friends but thru fighting and such. Men are better at this because they get over it better. Women hold bile for so long. I think as you get older you will find the breakups happen naturally and without conversation. I just grow apart from them and them from me. I agree it is about growth and this is good. But, I do not think you need to tell someone “I am growing apart from you. Let’s breakup” like you do with a boyfriend.

  2. It is ALWAYS OK to sever ties with a “friend” when you no longer have the desire to continue the relationship. Sometimes, just distancing yourself, not contacting, sometimes not returning calls gets the message across. Sometimes you have to take the bold step of confronting the person and telling them your relationship is just not working for you. You will usually find that the “friend,” if honest with herself, feels the same way.

    You know, as we grow and get older we don’t have time to hang on to people who only bring us down, annoy us or do not share common belief systems that are core to your moral center.

    You are not that little insecure girl, anymore, Brooklynn. You are a strong, very intelligent, introspective person. You have a very good sense of who you are and who you want in your life. And it comes down to that. Some people who don’t share all of your beliefs but are still good, loving people and don’t throw their values in your face can continue to be in your life. But no one who is anti-gay, very conservative right-wing is going to make you happy and comfortable. Those you need to get out of your intimate circle of friends. And as you know, you start to narrow the people you allow in this intimate circle. Girlfriends are so important in a woman’s life. You don’t always want a mirror of yourself; that would be dull. But if you have fights over issues that are so important to you, or you have lost respect for the women you thought of as friends, then you need to let them go. People in your circle should only make you feel good because they are good people.

    Anyway, that is my long-winded personal belief system and it works well for me. I have been down that road too many times and, actually, quite recently. But I won’t tell my story to you unless you want to hear it. It was just sooo high school! Even at my age, women can be back-stabbing!

    I love you, Brooklyn. And I love your blog. Your honesty and heart and great writing is a blessing to read. Keep up the blog and I hope you are feeling better.

    Love always, Annie

    • Thanks!!! I love the feedback! I agree that it is more healthy to let go of people that you have grown apart from rather than hang on. I still struggle with people where our values are so different from each other.

      Love you too!!

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