Category Archives: Uncategorized

Time just flies

I always intend to get back here and then life just happens. The interesting part is when I share my story this is where I get stuck. The cycle continues but I am determined to break it.

Our family is expanding along with transitioning my career; this is me slowing down (insert sarcasm and self criticism). Although my body has now forced me to slow down because literally my feet just will not let me move around so much. I now am acutely aware of where the idea for Fred Flintstone’s feet came from and whenever I get into my car I feel I should be calling out “Yabba Dabba Do!” The body is a pretty amazing thing the way it just knows what to do. What all this means is that I have a little time to write. And, so I will.

 

 

Advertisements

Just checking in ………

Man, I am so close to finishing up a goal I started September 2009 and I started thinking about this blog again. So, I found myself reading my old posts. It is interesting the memories we hold and the memories we find to be just almost out of reach. I am reminded that sometimes life reminds us to live.

Thank you so much for the comments on my stories (and rants). And, it seems people are still finding this blog and reading it. I hope to pick this back up in June of next year when I have crossed the finish line to my goal. Stay classy ………

Look for this movie!!

I had the pleasure of seeing this movie called Touching Home. I still cannot believe that this movie was from two first time film makers. The movie is based on a true story of the directors, writers, producers relationship with their alcoholic father and the dreams they all had.

I encourage you to see this movie on the big screen. Ed Harris stars in this touching movie with Brad Dourif and Robert Forster. Let me know what you thing and check the trailer out here!

Part 4, Chapter 4

“I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.” The first time I heard this phrase was not at daycare but in the first grade of all places. I couldn’t quite understand what I was supposed to be showing or what they had that I needed to see. And, I was not really sure I wanted to.

First grade was a gateway into everything new. We were still on a half day schedule, but we now had titles: First Graders! Now, we were allowed to play on the Big Playground as opposed to our sheltered Kindergarten playground for the little people. We were now on our way to being Big Girls and Big Boys. First grade was framed with my teacher Ms. McElfresh. She was a tiny woman with big red hair and a strict personality. And, I mean like Texas big. She drove a blue 1976 Mustang (how do I know this? The license plate gave it away). She was the first teacher I recall who was actually impressed with me. She would compliment me on my out loud reading skills, my book reports and my demeanor. I, in turn, tried to impress her even more. I checked out books from the library and would read double of what I was supposed to. I wanted to be her favorite. But, this was not to be. There was a dynamic duo who had gained favoritism from kindergarten and this was Amy and Wendy. *Sigh* To a little girl desperately wanting to fit in, they were perfect. Best of friends, perfect clothes, hair, the way they laughed, smart, the lunches they brought to school and they had mothers who were involved in everything. It was impossible to live up to. They ruled the playground and I just could not understand why everyone crowded around them, or why I felt the need to be a sheep and crowd around too. They were always the stars in the school plays and the teachers could not have loved them more.

We were 6 years old. I just want you to picture this in your mind. 6 years old. One day at lunch a group of kids were headed down to the baseball diamond near where the trees lined the fence. It was an area a school yard duty may not see you. I followed with the other little sheep crowding to see what was in the middle. As we moved behind the biggest tree I could see what was going on. A very hollow and familiar pit formed in my stomach; I was uncomfortable and felt something was not right. One little girl, Katlyn, and one little boy, Mark, were in the middle of everyone. They both were giggling at each other and at the audience. One bigger child screamed at them “pull it down!” And they did. They pulled their pants down and showed each other their genitals. Katlyn reached over and poked at Mark’s; Mark reciprocated. I was horrified. I mean horrified! But, I was also very curious and could not look away. The older kid looked at me and said “I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.” I looked at him, I looked at my two classmates pulling up their pants and I ran. Somehow something in me knew I would be tagged with an unsavory reputation if I conceded. I ran up the small hill and sat on the tire swing by myself until the recess bell rang. I was cast aside for a few days, but I didn’t care. I even watched the kids continue to go down to the trees everyday while new sheep showed their parts.

It was the first time I recall being cast away from my peers and unfortunately it was something I would have to get used to. I joined Brownies out of pressure from the other girls mothers, but never felt apart of them. I was always more comfortable with the boys, but the boys were beginning to separate themselves from the girls. While I always found someone to pass the school time with I never had a consistent playmate at school except for my imagination. Daycare was different because we had cliques of kids and I was in one of them (probably due to my longstanding relationship with the daycare family). But, school was lonely many times as I fought to believe I was not different that the others.

Now don’t get me wrong. Hidden Valley was a place where I felt accepted. We were still quite young and had almost no filters of society. We did not care how your parents earned money; all we cared about was playing in the yard. Friends were more of a passing that a connection at this age. I relished in being a smart kid; part of the “early bird” group. And, we had our other awkward kids with learning disabilities, suffering abuse in the home, not comfortable with English – we had them all and I felt comfortable with them all. I was like Cher winning her Oscar “You love me, you really love me” … right?

Another loss …

I’m so thankful to have such a big family on both sides but with a super sized family comes the inevitable face of loss frequently. My grandfather died on December 23, 2009. He was 88 years old, a World War II veteran, father of 7, grandfather to more than I can count and a great grand father. While this was not unexpected it still stings.

Another family gathering is being planned when after the snow melts. It will wonderful to see everyone, but unfortunate considering the circumstances. RIP Grandpa Franklin.

Happy Birthday Dad!

Today is my dad’s birthday and I wish him the best day filled with a reminder of all of life’s joy. My dad has a zest for life and an understanding of how important it is to remain child like in your approach to the unknown. He makes me laugh, he provides me comfort and he is unabashed in his display of love.

I love you da-da!!!

Enjoy this …. I did :) If you look closely you can see me